One day. Maybe.

My ex boyfriend just sent me this text, 

'I'm looking forward to that one day we bump into each other, maybe in a week, a month, years down the line, grab a drink somewhere. It'd be nice.'

He does things like this and it makes me melt. I'm putty in his hands all the time, he will never have me physically again but he's making damn sure I'm his emotionally. Before everything went wrong I thought we were perfect. Before we got together, when we were just seeing each other it was perfect. As soon as I was his, trapped, under his thumb, he thought' he could do whatever he liked, see whoever he liked, say whatever he liked, and for a while I put up with it, I would try and break up with him and he would always draw me back in. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. 

But before this, we would be amazing together, I was so happy. Happier than I'd ever been. I felt like all my problems just faded away when he walked into my life. 

Tear marks stain my face, because not a day goes by when I don't think of him, miss him. The problem is, every thought hurts like punch in the chest. Happy times make me miss him, but I always end up back to that night, the final night. I hear his angry voice, I see the eyes that didn't belong to the perfect caring boyfriend of mine. I feel his hands tightening around my wrist and feel my body slam to the floor. His big strong hands move from my arms to my neck, his legs around my waist, I was paralysed. His fingers squeezing tighter and tighter. The air being pushed out of my lungs. 

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breath. I couldn't feel. 

Had my neighbours, my best friends, my brothers, not stormed in at that moment I have no idea what would have happened. 

They saved my life. 

My best friend, Shane, is one of them. He's amazing. He's helped me through everything. I owe him everything. My life. Whoever he marries one day will be an incredibly lucky lady, because he damn sure will look after you. 

But I always come first ;)

Keep Holding On

Kitty xoxo

Welcome to My World.

Hello there, I am Kitty, I am 18 years old. To be blunt, I've hated my life for as long as I remember.

Hated school.

Hated home.

Hated life.

I left my hometown for Lincoln when I was 16 and recently moved back. In them two years I've had 3 relationships end, all pretty disastrous. These days the one I will talk about most is my most recent one, we weren't together long, about 6 months. We split up because he beat me up. He got arrested, I didnt press charges so he was released and now I battle daily to get by without him. Its a struggle not to text him and i find myself rolling over in my sleep and reaching out for him. Sucks so much.

I swear a lot, I will try not too.

Basically this is just an outlet for me, to post my thoughts, my feelings. If you want to read it feel free, it's probably not that entertaining, however I would appreciate outer opinions on many of my situations. I struggle to make decisions and end up trapped in circles so you will be a great help to me!

Keep Holding On.

Kitty xoxo